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The Telegram
Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia and trying to hold onto just a little bit of her former, COOL, pre-mom self!
A Dirt Bath Here, a Dirt Bath There, and a Couple of La Di Das.
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About this blog
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ­ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, ...
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Family Humor
Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ­ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, including www.todaysmama.com, www.rolemommy.com and www.newjerseymomsblog.com and is an official blogger for Lifetime Television's hit show, \x34The Balancing Act.\x34 She also does stand-up comedy and has appeared at venues including The Comic Strip Live in NYC and The Erma Bombeck Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Before she became a columnist, Beckerman was a writer and producer in the television industry for 10 years, managing the advertising & promotion department at WCBS-TV New York. Tracy is married to a very understanding guy. They have two children and live in New Jersey where she writes, does battle with woodchucks and avoids, at all costs, driving a minivan.
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By lostinsuburbiablog
Aug. 29, 2013 6:06 p.m.



Mr. Bubble Vintage AdWhen my kids were little, it often seemed that their purpose in life was to get as absolutely disgustingly dirty as was humanly possible. They achieved this in a number of ways ranging from slinging mud outside in our brook to decorating their faces with ketchup. As difficult as this was for a mother with OCD-type cleanliness issues to deal with, I let them have their dirt and eat it, too, because I knew at the end of the day they would end up having a date with Mr. Bubble and my world would be returned to its neat, orderly place again… or at least until the next day.

Eventually my kids got older, became teenagers, and dirt baths got replaced by hour long showers. I was, of course, overjoyed, except for the fact that they often used up all the hot water and I had to take cold showers. Still, having achieved clean kid nirvana, I thought I was done with dirt.

Clearly, I should have quit while I was ahead.  But instead, I went ahead and got a dog.

A white dog.

That likes to dig holes.

Exhibit #1:

Dirty monty

Living in a cold weather locale, we thought about how cute it would be to have a white dog romping in the white snow. But we neglected to think about how totally uncute it would be after the snow melted to have a white dog romping through the brown mud. And then said brown muddy dog would come into the house and get his brown muddy paws all over the floor and his brown muddy nose on the walls, the furniture, and me.

Exhibit #2:

dirty-dog copy

Once we discovered our dog was a hole digger, we thought the best way to circumvent the mud tsunami was to make sure we kept an eye on him whenever he went out back. While this was good in theory, often times I would have to abandon the dog for a minute to deal with an immediate teenager emergency such as a loss of text messaging capabilities, and in the seconds that I turned my back, the dog would get another mud treatment.

Exhibit #3:

Screen Shot 2013-08-29 at 1.38.07 PM

After many attempts to keep the dog out of the mud, we realized it was a futile effort. But fortunately, we discovered a surefire way to at least deal with the mud before it made it’s way into the house.





Now we have to figure out how to clean the mud out of the pool.

©2013, Beckerman. All rights reserved.

bookbutton-04My new book, “Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant. Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs” is now available. To get a copy for you or a cool mom you love, CLICK HERE

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Monty swims in the pool-1

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